Having healthy boundaries is essential to having a productive and prosperous life both personally and professionally. Additionally, it lends to a more authentic and fulfilling life.
Setting healthy boundaries in your life can feel overwhelming especially if you have been doing the opposite for so many years. For this reason, doing the work and going through the process of setting limits and establishing boundaries, is the ultimate test in self-care.
What makes setting boundaries so challenging is that it involves some form of behavior management. To clarify, you are either modifying your behavior in some form or ––the behaviors of others.
Furthermore, If you don’t set boundaries, you may find yourself often at the mercies of others. In other words, you may be allowing others to tell you how to think, act, and feel. It also means you may be spending your time and energy doing what others want you to do over what you really want to do.
Signs You May Be Lacking Healthy Boundaries
Not many people are aware of the signs that are indicating that they need to start setting some boundaries in their lives. Below are some examples of feelings, emotions and situations that surface from potential boundary issues.
- feeling exhausted more than not–– giving everyone your all and cramming your life in the time left over?
- Unable to say “no”
- Having intense feelings of resentment
- Dealing with anxiety on a regular basis
- Decision-making becomes a challenge
- You may be passive-aggressive
- Your radar is off when sharing (oversharing your personal life)
- fear of rejection or abandonment
- feeling guilt and/or fear
Do You Know What Your Boundaries Are?
If a person is co-dependent, they may not have many boundaries. This is because a codependent person is normally extremely focused outside of themselves. Furthermore, they may also confuse them with what others expect of them.
Additionally, not everyone is aware of how effective their boundaries are or whether they have established healthy ones in their lives.
If you’re unsure as to whether you are good at setting boundaries, you can ask yourself some of these questions for guidance.
- When was the last time you said “no” to someone?
- Do you remember the last time you said “yes” to something you wanted to say no to?
- When you think of saying “no,” how do you feel? afraid or calm?
- Do you feel guilty for wanting to do something alone?
- Do you feel you deserve respect or do you feel you have to earn it by being ‘nice’?
Healthy Ways To Build Boundaries
Having established boundaries about what is important to you, signals to others what you value and respect. Furthermore, how you want to be treated.
A healthy first step can be learning as much about yourself as possible. Give yourself the time and space to figure this out and get rid of the self judgement. This is a process so be patient and accepting of what may come up for you as you go inward.
Journaling is an excellent way to start clearing your mind, getting all your thoughts out on paper and create a plan for boundaries.
Practicing Mindfulness is another optimal way to assist you in understanding better how you feel from moment to moment through the power of awareness. You can read my other article on What is Mindfulness for an easy introduction to this type of meditation. In addition, my previous article on selfcare highlights some strategies on how to say “no” and tips on how to build healthy strategies.
Lastly, self-help books also known as “bibliotherapy” are a powerful tool to shift your thinking and propel you to move in the direction you want. As a matter of fact, Boundary Boss by Terry Cole, hones in on why setting boundaries is pivotal to your personal and professional success.
As a woman, I value the authenticity of the message in her writing about how we have been culturally conditioned toward being “nice, smiling, and saying yes” to everything oftentimes, at the expense of our own wellbeing.
To sum up, learning to set healthy boundaries and communicating them authentically is an optimal way to live a more prosperous and fulfilled life both personally and professionally.
Boundaries are a part of self-care. They are healthy, normal and necessary.
Doreen Virtue
a comprehensive guide for any person who wants to master creating and maintaining healthy boundaries.
How do you feel about the boundaries you’ve set? Do you feel you are good at setting boundaries in different areas of your life?